Running uncharacteristically ahead of schedule the other morning, I decided I had time to stop for the most American of early morning treats, the Egg McMuffin combo meal.
Many who know me know that I stop quite often at drive-thrus. While not overweight, I do have all of the invisible killers no one would suspect. High blood pressure and high cholesterol are kept in check by baby doses of medication, freeing me from the concern of what damage the occasional Egg McMuffin would wreak on my system. Often, as I got the evil eye from my wife as I ordered something hideously unhealthy at a restaurant, I would waggle my eyebrows, raise a finger and proclaim, "Zocor to the rescue!".
So I veered through the drive-thru and placed my order.
"I'll have a #1 Breakfast Combo Meal, please. With a milk."
(While I cared not for the effects of cholesterol on my body, I did try to make sure I got enough calcium, as a fractured femur two years ago alerted me to another invisible malady I had lurking beneath my skin: low bone density. But that's a story for another Irks.)
I pay the cashier and pull forward and get my food. As I pull into traffic, I peek in the bag to make sure all is as ordered. Hash browns, milk and wrapped muffin-shaped food ball stared back at me.
It wasn't until I unwrapped my breakfast food ball that I realized that they screwed up my order, and gave me a breaded chicken biscuit instead.
Now, I was aware of the fact that McDonald's had these sandwiches for lunch, but not that they had incorporated them into their breakfast menu. Being hungry, and several blocks away from the restaurant, I had a dilemma: return and rectify the order, or make due and eat the mystery sandwich?
So, I ate the mystery sandwich.
Which brings me to the point of the story. Which was worse? The fact that the crack drive-thru staff couldn't fill the most basic of orders, in what had to have been one of at least 1000 Egg McMuffins processed that morning? Or, the fact that despite not filling my order correctly, I still opted to shove that Egg McMuffin analog food ball down my pie hole?
If there were enough people like me out there, what incentive did the drive-thru staff have to improve their service?
I can hear them conversing now. "It doesn't matter what you put in the bag for the drive-thru orders, as long as you are in the ballpark. No one ever comes back and argues. These slobs will eat whatever you put in front of them!"
Which I did. I just wish I had ordered an extra milk, as the biscuit was forming a concrete-like paste on the back of my teeth. Next time I'll make two milks part of my order. Then I'll be ready for whatever McDonald's throws at me.
Because you know I'll eat it.
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