Drivers Who Text Ain't Fooling No One

Anyone who knows me knows that essentially I drive for a living.  Calling on accounts, logging 30,000 miles a year, I get to experience not only the joy that is metropolitan Chicago traffic, but also the unprecedented stupidity of Homo Sapiens behind wheels.
You also may know that while I love technology, I also loathe it at the same time.

Nowhere do you see the convenience and nuisance of technology intersect more vividly than with people who text while they are driving.

Now, anyone with a cell phone has been guilty of this, including yours truly.  But let me tell you, as a keen observer of drivers in every conceivable situation, there are some tell-tale signs of texters that are giving you away.  Let me enlighten you:

1.  The texter eye droop.  Anyone driving by you can tell when you are looking down at your cell phone.  As you look down, your eyelids droop, and anyone looking your way gets the impression your eyes are closed.  This is especially true while you are at a red light.  Try it out.  While at a light, look at those in your rear-view mirror.  If it looks like they are asleep, or very interested in what is transpiring in the vicinity of their crotch, odds are they are texting.  Then keep an eye on them as you continue to drive.

2.  Slow reaction times.  When you just can't wait to wrap up that urgent text as the left-turn green arrow gets stale, that three-second pause as you let your foot off the brake and onto the gas is a big neon sign that your attention is elsewhere.  That's okay.  I'd be happy to wait for the next arrow.

3.  The 45-mph driver in the middle lane of the expressway.  You may think you are keeping up with traffic as you text.  Unfortunately your judgement of how you are interacting with traffic is skewed by the fact that you aren't really paying attention to traffic! That peripheral feeling of cars rushing past you on both sides should tell you to put the phone down.

Don't get me wrong.  It may seem that I am trying to perform a public service here.  Or to educate you so you can be a better driver,  But I am being more self-serving.  I just want to pass this along so that hopefully, some day, you will not kill me as I do my job.

Now, about that tailgating habit of yours . . .